Reflecting on my first full calendar year alcohol free since I was a teenager, I’ve realised I’ve come a long way in the last 12 months in how comfortable I now am with my sobriety.
There’s nothing I have not done in the past 18 months without alcohol - weddings, stags, birthdays, holidays, work events - all actually possible without drinking alcohol too, despite what anyone else may tell you..!
But it’s not always been easy for me to be super open about not drinking.
In my early days of being alcohol free, I experienced quite a lot of shame for my decision to stop drinking. I felt that I might have been letting other people down, that I was ruining social events for other people, that my non-drinking was not something to talk about as it may have offended others, that no one wanted to talk to the sober ‘boring’ person, that my sobriety was making me weird and the ‘odd one out’.
I was warned that talking too much about my alcohol free choices would make me come across smug, judgemental and preachy, as if I suddenly viewed myself as better than those choosing to drink.
As a result, I found sobriety tough initially. There was an ongoing battle inside where I wanted to share more and connect with my new sober life, but was scared to express it. I was genuinely ashamed of the choices I had made, because I felt society did not accept those choices. What was supposed to be a super positive life choice, was making me feel the opposite.
Slowly that shame has turned into pride and a genuine self confidence.
Realising that I needed to live my life slightly differently changed everything for me. Finding other sober friends and having allies was the best thing to help change my perspective and allow me to feel confident in expressing my alcohol free life. Allowing room for other changes in my life that complemented being sober was hugely important to changing the shame into pride.
And being sober has given me the clarity to really understand my body and mind, allowing me to know when to make the right choices that work for me. When to leave a night out, when to say ‘no’ to things that I don’t actually want to do, when I need a rest and when I need help.
Stopping drinking did not deliver a silver bullet of solving all of my problems instantly. But, it’s taught me
to not be scared of change
that being my authentic self is better for me and the people in my life
to say no; and most importantly
more about myself in these last 18 months than in the 29 years prior to that
and that’s why for me, it’s a forever decision
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